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News & Features
From the Idyllwild Town Crier weekly newspaper, 07.02.09 edition.
Tall, dark, hairy, shy, likes music
By Marshall Smith
Staff Reporter
David Jerome is obsessed. He has beast on the
mind. Idyllbeast, to be precise. He is hoping that the reported
98th-annual Idyllbeast Festival, to be held at Café Aroma from 9
a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday, July 4, may lure the curious, but famously
shy, hairy, apelike bipedal hominoid to the bistro environs. More to
the point, he is hoping the holiday music and wafting garlic aromas
prove irresistible to a creature that hikers have reported smells of
garlic and cinnamon, and has been heard doing a mean Aretha Franklin
imitation — or so they claim, Jerome said.
Jerome said backcountry hikers occasionally report encounters with
things they can’t explain. Of course, Jerome acknowledges, that is also
true in town, but that’s a different story. Jerome recounts that Hill
Native Americans have a long oral history recounting a Bigfoot-like
creature in the high San Jacintos. To local tribes, said Jerome, the 7-
to 9-foot-tall ape/man creature was just another spirit brother who
liked to join in at any tribal ceremony that featured dancing.
Tribal lore recounts the creature kept to himself and seldom entered
the settlement except when ceremonial drums and chanting started. Then
the beast came running, or more precisely, loping, in a characteristic
gait shared with cousins Bigfoot (native in more northerly U.S.
latitudes) and Yeti (found usually in the Himalayas). The beast
reportedly never spoke or chanted, but native tradition recounts he was
an enthusiastic dancer and was always welcomed by his hosts.
When whites started settling the mountain, the beast retreated. Whites
reported being frightened by the beast and tried to drive him away when
sighted. That is not to say the beast was not curious about these new
folk. Once TV become ubiquitous, Hill residents started reporting hairy
faces at their windows, transfixed by the TV. Curiously, sightings were
more frequent when certain types of music were being televised —
Motown, and especially anything by the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin.
Jerome thinks Idyllbeast, as locals have named it, wants to be welcomed
into modern settlements just as he was by Native Americans. “Music is a
universal language,” said Jerome. “The beast just wants to be loved,
and it may think music is the way in.”
Although not verified at press time, Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul,
“American Idol” judges, reportedly plan an Idyllwild trip to tape the
best of the beast. If the beast has vocal chops as good as they’ve
heard, it could wind up being featured in a special “American
Idyllbeast” segment. Producers think a beast appearance could shake up
the aging series and add some extra zip.
Jerome hasn’t seen the beast, but he has seen its footprints. “Very
large,” said Jerome. A sighting of beast footprints just in front of
the Café bolsters Jerome’s hopes of luring the beast to
Café Aroma on the Fourth. Jerome thinks the old William Congreve
adage, “Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast,” morphed into
“Soothe the savage beast” for a reason. “The beast likes music,” said
Jerome. “Why wouldn’t he?” Idyllbeast cousin Bigfoot is known for
“strong vocalizations,” according to a report of a Montana sighting by
Andrea Lutz, KPAX, Missoula.
Jerome, himself a musician, is growing more hair in order to make the
beast feel less out of place if he shows up. “I’m letting my beard grow
for it,” he said enthusiastically. “We’re also awarding fur crowns to
attending women who represent the furry flower of Idyllwild
femininity.” Jerome is hoping that the more hair in evidence at the
beastacle, the less the beast will feel different, out of place and
unwelcome.
Festival planners Jerome and Frank Ferro, Aroma’s manager, plan events
throughout the day — a contest for Little Miss Idybeast, Miss Teen
Beast, Miss Diva Beast and Grandma Beast. Organizers plan music, other
beast contests — such as Beast Calling, Best Beast Look-alike and Bride
of Idyllbeast — and a symposium and essay contest on “What the
Idyllbeast would say [or sing] to us.” There is no word yet on special
beast entrees.
Beast festivals are an Idyllwild staple dating back in Town Crier
records to 1948, according to Jerome’s questionable records. In the
1970s, the Crier reported a dustup between some young hairy Community
Youth Council (CYC) festival participants and some outraged Chamber of
Commerce members who objected to the hairy and barefoot appearance of
the youth. According to the Crier report, two Chamber members
approached a CYC booth and demanded to know who was in charge and to
clear out “these scroungy people” immediately. The Chamber duo and the
youth exchanged words, resulting in the Chamber representatives
yelling, “Hey you weirdoes, drop dead!” at the longhaired youth.
Apparently the Chamber members did not get the “hairy is in” memo that
went out with the festival announcement. Idyllwild. Controversy. You
know how it is.
Hopefully no such controversy will spoil the beast festival at Aroma.
Attendees should keep eyes open for a beast cameo. Should he appear,
the first indication might be an odor of garlic and cinnamon or a
distinctly otherworldly rendition of “R-E-S-P-E-C-T.”
“It’s time for welcoming Idyllbeast,” said Jerome. Sure he or, as
Jerome puts it, “Heidibeast” might be different from us, but deep down
we and the beast share more than separates us — a love of music and
garlic, both staples at Aroma.
For further Idyllbeast festival information, contact Café Aroma
at 659-5212 or e-mail David Jerome at
idyllbeastresearchcenter@yahoo.com.
Editor’s note: Just as with
Bigfoot, Yeti and the Loch Ness Monster, beast lore is both fascinating
and not necessarily factual.
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